By Trish Dearn, illustrated by Lonica Lee
Children’s Cancer Centre Foundation, Richmond Victoria, 2013. ISBN 9780992334260 (paperback) http://cccf.org.au/
Infant school and primary school children who are living with childhood cancer will find “the Together stories” very engaging. The stories may help them to prepare for hospital, life experiences as well as think about ways of coping and building strength through difficult circumstances.
The books are written with made-up characters, from a child’s viewpoint. The familiar language used is what you might find in an Australian home, school or children’s hospital. Trish Dearn draws on her experience as a parent of Charlotte, who journeyed through leukaemia treatment to become a happy healthy girl.
Each book taps into different parts of a child’s cancer journey and feelings are expressed through the challenges. The books focus on adapting, coping and empowering through changes in a child’s health from diagnosis, hospital life and returning after treatment to home, school and community life.
Children will want to read each book cover to cover, finding easy-to-read font and colourful, expressive illustrations. The books are similar in formatting to what you might find in a school reader. They have a practical gloss cover for easy wiping.
The Together stories are simple to read and yet strong in communicating some of the social and emotional hurdles children with childhood cancer face.
The books may be borrowed from the AWCH library, to find out more about each book in the series visit the following links:
Talk less listen more is something you might have been told at school or perhaps you have heard something along those lines being said to children. This book is refreshing in its approach to solving children’s behaviour difficulties. In the heat of the moment, when the volume gets turned up readers will learn about why it is important to teach children to manage their emotions and strategies to help. By talking less and listening more Michael Hawton brings his experience as a psychologist and teacher of children and families for over 25 years to use. This book is aimed at families and can also be used by health professionals as they help people learn.
Amidst a myriad of parenting approaches, Hawton describes how parents of children today are confused. How should behaviour problems be dealt with? Trends have led parents towards talking through problems, praising with rewards and yet there are some limitations to “positive parenting”, from the “outside in”. Michael Hawton adds clarity and a set of tools to work with in helping children gain self- control, “inside out” parenting. He does not take readers back to days where children are to be seen but not heard. Parents and carers, by talking less when limiting unwanted behaviour and promoting desirable behaviours in a thoughtful manner, are going to be happier and enjoy their children more. Adults can follow a process learning about choice and how to react leading to better and easier parenting.
The book is divided into five parts. In part one: trends, principles and mistakes, find out about children’s development and behaviour, what it means for children to experience emotional overload and sorting behaviour to respond more flexibly. Part two focuses on change and looks at systems and patterns in families. Part three, managing difficult behaviour – quietly develops the title of the book. Find, a quick overview of the three choices for managing difficult behaviour – quietly, ignoring behaviour and managing yourself, signalling – a quiet way to stop children misbehaving and emotion coaching to teach self-regulation. Part four, promoting the behaviour you want looks at resolving poor attitudes and behaviour in older children, building bonds, teaching skills and encouraging competency. Part five extra resources including test your know-how, children and technology, resources and further reading.
Talk less, listen more is very readable for busy families. There are great ideas to help parents/carers direct their energy and establish good patterns of communication, rather than repeating the same reactions that don’t work. Michael Hawton draws on the “latest findings” in neuroscience. He writes both clearly and in an Australian context. Examples drawn from the “Blooms” family, show the parents as they sort through difficult child behaviours and family situations. Illustrations, diagrams and brief models break up the book and provide insight and a bit of fun. The before and after examples with the Blooms family help explore better approaches with greater understanding
Find out about “ABNs”, “RTA” and “PASTA” these abbreviations are used as memory prompts. “ABNs” refer to annoying but not serious behaviour. Families can use worksheets to develop a framework and think about behaviour which is important to focus on, the “big rocks”, as well as which behaviours can be ignored. Be encouraged because not all problems need to be resolved. Accompanying worksheets through the book are there to be photocopied and used. Each chapter concludes with “in essence”, a helpful overview.
Teaching children how to cope in an emergency, sort out their feelings and self-soothe is talked about in chapter 9. “Emotion-coaching” can “teach children a language they would not otherwise learn”. Eventually children learn how to use a “feeling language” to describe their emotions. The conversation between Charlie (dad) and Jessica (five-year-old daughter) about her scary nightmare involved talking about how she felt. Dad emotion-coached using reflective listening and made comments (rather than asking questions).
Michael Hawton doesn’t presume to write about all areas of parenting, instead he aims to look at a model for difficult behaviour, drawing on non-violent ways to help children be in control and deal with anxieties that arise in life. Children who are facing hospitalisation or repeated hospitalisation may experience fear about medical procedures, pain, separation anxiety and other intense feelings. Health professionals such as Hospital play therapists/Child life workers are there to help both children and families with their emotions. Parents who take on board reflective listening and children who are able to use a feeling language may find they have tools to help them through their hospital journey and improve their wellbeing. Final points made by the author pinpoint the objective of parents to model self-control and help children develop self-regulation for better overall health for families.
Talk less, listen more is worth reading cover to cover because the information builds and by dipping you miss out. As I read the final chapter on children and technology, I thought about my 12 year old’s experiences and those of her friends and their families and the role of parents as protectors. It may be a daunting task. Talk less, listen more can help parents to stay on track with how they want to react when facing difficulties. For instance, children may hop from one screen to another and if they can be encouraged by parents to self-regulate and manage their behaviour with limits, they will be happier and there will be greater harmony in family life. I’m really glad to have read this book, building knowledge both about children and better parenting. It is a great bounce-off point for thinking about children as they head into adolescence.
There is also an online parenting course The Talk Less Listen More (TLLM) e-course, which has been road-tested on 1000s of professionals and parents. To find out more about the author and access resources, visit his Blog or Facebook page: michealhawton.com
This book is available for loan from the AWCH library.
Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, Boston, Massachusetts, ISBN 9780152063436
By Debi Gliori
This board book will delight you and your preschooler. With beautiful, cosy illustrations and enchanting rhyme and rhythm, “Small” asks whether “Large” will love him “no matter what”? Through repeated questions, Small explores more about love. Humorous illustrations in vivid colour compliment the story “But if I turned into a squishy bug, would you still love me and give me a hug?” “Of course,” said Large, “Bug or not, I’d always love you, no matter what”.
There is warmth and comfort as Small challenges Large to find out whether love can be broken and mended or whether it will disappear when far way. The story is simple and intimate, Small’s questions are answered and Large gives reassurance and hugs. Young children who are facing separation from their parent or carer may read this book and be encouraged through difficult circumstances. The book will be a great bedtime read for families who want to bring a warm glow to their children.
This book may be borrowed from the AWCH library, Call number 155.937 GLI 1
Reviewed by Jillian Rattray
AWCH Librarian
December 2013
‘Extraordinary Parenting’ is a helpful manual written for parents who have children with chronic physical or medical conditions. The book is set out in a readable format with clearly presented information. You will find simple illustrations, photographs and a bibliography. In addition, it is written in an Australian context.
Ordinary children are faced with extraordinary circumstances and in the book parents are given psychosocial information to support their children. Topics covered are varied and range from looking at a child’s psychological and emotional world to experiences such as hospitalisation, medication taking, sleep overs and camps or life in the school playground. Extraordinary parenting encompasses child development stages and age appropriate information for up to early teens. There is an emphasis on raising awareness of what a child and family may be experiencing whilst looking at important emotions such as anxiety, self-perception and depression. Parents are encouraged to focus on their “best intentions” rather being caught up in guilt. Find an abundance of practical information, for example throughout the manual at the end of each chapter, readers will find the heading “Psychological protection : what you can do”. Children and families can build understanding and develop skills for good self-esteem and resilience.
The author draws on her experience of over 20 years from working children, adolescents and adults in the fields of psychology, social work and literature. Dr Bruce works in private practice at the Emotional Health Centre, Cheltenham, Victoria. Extraordinary parenting can be viewed online in chapter format and/or purchased at: http://www.emotionalhealthcentre.com.au/page.php?id=557
The AWCH library holds two copies and both are available for loan.
Extraordinary parenting : protecting self-esteem and minimising depressive outcomes in pre-adolescent children who have significant medical or physical conditions (Cover title: Extraordinary parenting : a manual for parents of children aged 0-12 with chronic physical or medical conditions). Emotional Health Centre, Cheltenham, VIC. 2007, 168 p. ISBN 9780980420609.
By Dr Elizabeth J. Bruce PhD, edited by Dr Cynthia L. Schultz, illustrations by Colin Bruce
Subjects: Chronic diseases in children – Psychological aspects. Chronically ill children – Family relationships. Chronically ill children – Education. Chronic disease – In infancy & childhood.
By Trish Dearn, illustrated by Lonica Lee
